Living in the World of "Yourself"

Hello, it's me, Lorelei, writer, and bus driver.

I realize I've been neglecting my blog, but that's life.

I've finally got some time to myself, to write as I need to, take walks, etc. This I've needed for a while. We tend to get caught up in the world at large. Work, and daily things that need to get done. I've opted to work only 2 days, and be freed up to work on getting the book published. Yes. Self-published.

Yesterday I was glad to go for a walk in the park (which we manage, and is next to us), and found that my knees held up pretty good. I walked through the fluff of dandelions, took in Spring, the way it used to be--although it has been rather cooler than normal, but I say, if I can wear jeans and be comfortable, then I don't care.

I've worked so very hard on writing, reading everything I could to help me, all forms of writing, and even the writer's magazines (which go along with all the silly notions that writing has rules to follow, and every published author I've ever read ignores said rules. I won't go into them here). I do not have 20 more years to wait for someone to discover me. I may not even have 10. I'm tired of waiting to hold a book with a title, and my name on it. My dreams of publishing has gone through its phases after three decades, with only very little to show. I've always wanted to be a novelist. Why this is such a difficult aspiration, I don't understand.

It no longer matters. With P.O.D. anyone can publish their book--whether it's terrible, or good, or great. All you need is the good old dollar--lots of them--and go on line, and you can find dozens of them. You just have to be careful, look around to see if anyone has complaints about ones you're interested in, and if you feel safe to go with them, go for it.

Since we were getting this so called "stimulus package" and my husband and I came to the conclusion that this was the only way we would see something I wrote in print, we just decided to set aside a good portion of it to go toward it. Hey, it's money from the government. Why not look at it like winnings in a lottery, or something?

And today I went out and spent $100, on shopping, food and such. I figured it was my duty to stimulate the local economy, and so Barns & Nobel got some, Borders got a little, Wal-Mart, of course got some, as did a number of other places I visited. It was fun, I'll admit. I don't get to blow money like that on a daily, or even a monthly basis. I did shop until I was bored, tired and just wanted to get the hell out of the noise and traffic and come home to peace and quiet of the country.

I read something just yesterday, I think. I get this newsletter from a pair of writers. It's called Write Free--if you're a writer and are interested in getting your mind cleared, it's a nice place to check out. It helped me just sort of relax and let go when I read this piece by Jordan Rosenfeld basically said that if we can let go our urgency, desperation, and longing when going after what we want--I think that goes for anything, including writing. Doing so will help to open us up to attracting what we want in life. This is actually something I'd learned a long time ago. It's considered "white magic". You think about those things you need and want. But the hard part is letting go of those emotions that say "I've got to have this or that".

I'd always had the longing, desire, and yes, even feelings of urgency drowning out everything else, including life itself. Just living. I think--no, I know--it's because having a book published has been a life-long pursuit. I thought it would have been gained more easily, and sooner than this.

I'm turning 54 this year. The waiting is about over. Yes, this is a self-publishing venture. Yes, I will pay to have my book printed/published--something I'd said many years ago I would not do. But the idea that no one besides myself and maybe a hand full of people would ever get to read my book Spell of the Black Unicorn just hung around my neck like a noose. I felt it tighten with every year that went by, and each and ever rejection I got. Why don't they like it? Are they stupid?

Well, I'm going to be busy this summer getting Black Unicorn ready for Infinity. I even have my own drawing for the front cover they will use--at no extra charge--and, yes, I can draw, after all I majored in art. Art was my first love. But now it's writing.

So, as I sit here tapping this out for whoever reads this, I bid you good tidings.

By the way, while at the bookstore, drinking down the very strong mocha latte, I found myself a new author. Keri Arthur of Melbourne, Australia. She's won lots of awards. Full Moon Rising about a half vampire, half werewolf, looks promising.

I also picked up Karen Chance's Touch the Dark, and that looks pretty good too--I read a portion of it on line. Her web-site is awesome!

Well, I hope you all get your stimulus packages, and go stimulate something.
Ta.